I have now been back two weeks today, blogging hasn't taken a priority as I just haven't felt up to it.
Im still near the bottom of the roller coaster and ever so slowly climbing up again, it wished it would speed up a tad!
I have just about finished sorting out all Elaine's bits and pieces, it takes me forever as I constantly stop and read a piece of one of her diaries or just sit looking at old photos etc.
So far all the clothes and shoes have gone to the local animal charity shop, all her old course notes have been recycled, there was boxes of them. I have sorted all her jewellery into little packs to be given to friends and relos when they visit.
I also have boxes of notes that relate to her business back in Oz, as a lot of these are a bit sensitive in nature I will wait until it cools down and burn them on the log burner.
I have been desperately trying to stay positive as Elaine wanted me to but have been failing quite regularly.
I have been socialising but dont stay out too long and tend to run back up the hill to the villa and contemplate my navel.
I have been down the Samoa Surf beach bar a few times.
Its the most perfect location, but will be dismantled in the next couple of weeks as the season is over and they must clear the beach.
We had a nice lunch down there a few days ago, it was cooked by Wendy and Barry the Canadians, a Spanish couple also supplied some food, the premises are owned by a dutch couple, it was a right little United Nations get together.
I took the boys for a walk on Macenas beach which is a 5 minute drive south of Mojacar, its usually deserted so I just let them runaround, Mojacar is in the background.
The beach beds and umbrellas are starting to disappear as the holiday season is officially over, its quite amazing really as the weather now is probably the best of the year, its not to hot and cools down nicely in the evening.
The new paseo is open so I have been taking the boys for a stroll along it.
From the paseo you can see my place on the hill, the villa is called El Nido which is Spanish for The Nest.
Its the white one in the middle of the pic.
And zooming in.....you can see why its called the nest!
You can also see its pretty big, after living in small spaces for the last 4 years or so its certainly different. It keeps me busy just cleaning it.
But its so lovely to just sit up here and gaze out to sea and imagine how different it would have been to have my lovely Elaine sitting here with me.... :-(
I have also been going down to a local beach bar called Ankara, its one of my favourites as it sits right on the beach and they have some good bands on.
I took Bombo down there last night for a couple of drinks and was soon joined by five friends, it was a good night. I left Sammie at home as for one its too far for him to walk with his bad back and two he totally freaks out with any sort of noise.
I have found the old Aussie flag and flagstaff that flew off of the stern of Caxton.
It is now flying proudly over El Nido.
It must be so difficult for you Paul, all those memories of lovely Elaine both in the place that you’re in and in the photographs you’re looking at and also in sorting out Elaine’s possessions. You are doing so well. Your memories will always be with you and in time will become gentler without the overwhelming grief that you feel now. Just remember, grieving takes time, everyone does it differently and it’s all okay. You are doing so well. Sending you big hugs. Carol and George xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Carol xx
DeleteI personally cannot contemplate what you are experiencing Paul....it must change constantly...I wholeheartedly agree with the beautiful wise words your friend Carol has spoken on this blog...You are doing so well. ...be kind to yourself mate...and feel free to stretch out to people if you need to...myself and Greg will always be here, though I know you have lots of wonderful people in your life...You are never alone ....always remember that .....Huge Hugs to you and the boys xxx
DeleteThanks Sheila xxx
DeleteHi Paul
ReplyDeleteBig hugs.Elaine will never be forgotten here at the hospice.
Thanks Clare, I can never thank you guys enough for the way you looked after Elaine, she loved you all so much. xxx
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