Thursday, October 18, 2018

The End Is Nigh!!!

I went to London on Friday 5th October to see the oncologist for a routine check up and chat, she said that I appeared to be getting worse so she sent me for a CT scan whilst I was there plus a blood test. 
On Sunday I flew to Mojacar to sort out my personal stuff in the villa, I took my sister Jackie and sis in law Tracy with me to help me.
Early Monday morning the phone rang it was the oncologist saying she had the scan results and it was really bad. The cancer was everywhere in my lungs plus on my liver. I also had fluid on my left lung and worst of all my kidneys were in a real bad way. The only good part was that I would probably die of kidney failure and it would be quick.  She did offer me immunotherapy , but the side effects are horrendous and would probably kill me.  I decided not to go with that plan and will let the cancer do its thing. We did decide to get the hospice  involved, one of the nurses is coming round on Monday to discuss end of life planning. 

So it wasn't the start to the trip we were hoping for, there were so many people I wanted to see whilst down there but I was just too ill to leave the villa.

I did manage to catch up with my BFF Eva which was just lovely, she is so special to me and its a relationship that's hard to figure out, we just clicked a few years ago and that's it.


I did manage to have a relaxing afternoon at the office which was lovely. It was strange to think last year I was down here nearly everyday and was loving life to the full, so much as changed in the last year


The girls did an amazing job packing up everything they didnt stop, but I did give them a couple of afternoons off to go to the beach.

I gave the little Citroen away to a good home whilst I was down there which was nice, so she will carry on running for a bit longer. Elaine loved that little car so much, so she would have been happy.

By the end of the week I was ready to go home as I was missing the safety of being in the UK and really didn't want to get stranded in Spain. I was feeling so ill and tired.

I went on the roof on the last day to take my final photo of the lovely view, I think my chances of ever going back there or anywhere overseas are now a big fat zero


A very tatty me and my carers at the airport, I had wheelchair assistance at both airports which helped a lot.


The End is Nigh in the title wasn't about my demise it was about finishing the blog as I now find it very difficult to see the screen and keyboard plus I feel so constantly unwell, I struggle to make it the slightest bit interesting.
I was hoping to reach 1,000,000 hits but that's not going to happen but am still very happy at the 923,000 .  It was never about the numbers anyway. It was something I have really enjoyed doing especially in the early days on the narrowboat. I still go back there often and love reading the old posts and especially looking at the photos.  The motorhome blogs were also so enjoyable.  When Elaine died in 2016 to me the blog also died, I missed her input and especially her correcting my appalling grammar.

The last year has been pretty  crap blogwise as there as been nothing to blog about apart from fkin cancer which has completely taken over and destroyed my life.

I have enjoyed writing this post so wont put it to bed until I physically cant type anymore.

Bye For Now xxxx

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Nice Day For A White Wedding In Cyprus.....

I haven't blogged for ages, mainly because not a lot happens to me these days, my blog entries would be..... feeling crap....slept all day ...puked up etc, all pretty boring stuff.

But we have had the Cyprus trip planned since just after Christmas so I was determined to give it a go.

The doggies were booked into kennels so we were all set to go.

I must admit I was dreading the trip especially the long 5 hour flight, I am also paranoid about getting stuck in a foreign country and being hospitalised so I took out medical insurance for over £1000,00.

In the end the flight wasn't too bad  and once I arrived at the hotel it was all good.

The pre cancer me would have been exploring the island and all sorts of different bars and restaurants.  

The new me involved getting up extremely late and laying by the pool all day.  It was  full on 5 star hotel so nothing was a problem.  There were buzzers on the parasols next to the sunbeds so I didn't even have to move to order drinks and food. 

It helped to be surrounded by family and we ended up having a great time.

The main reason we were there of course was for the wedding of my nephew Phillip to his fiancee Nichola.

It all went off without a hitch, but I hit the sack about 23,30 when the young uns hit the night club.

So I have been to Cyprus for 2 weeks and know nothing about the island whatsoever, the only bit of the Island I saw was on the trip to and from the airport.

The trip went to well that everyone is talking of another family holiday next year, in fact the planning has already started!

I rang the oncologist whilst in Cyprus to see whats next for me thinking they would want to scan me to see how the radiology and stereo tactic knife surgery went, her answer was nothing unless you feel ill.

With that in mind Im thinking of going to Spain in a couple of weeks to sort out my personal stuff in the villa.

I have put some wedding photos on below.


















I will blog again if any significant happens..... 

Sunday, August 12, 2018

A Little Bit of Good News And A big Bit Of Bad News

  The good news is I have finished my 13 sessions of radio therapy and two sessions of stereotactic knife surgery on my remaining brain tumours.

Basically it was all pain free apart from having my face squashed in by the mask when undergoing the brain tumour ops.

I made it as easy as possible by renting an apartment right next to the hospital for two and a half weeks, as I didn't fancy travelling to the hospital everyday, I dont think I could of done it

It did go a little pear shape  after the first week, on the last day of treatment they gave me a blood test, it came back bad my kidneys were failing, I was admitted to hospital for the weekend, they put it down to the extreme heat in London causing dehydration plus after effects from chemo.

After that my sister Jackie stayed with me in the apartment for a few days followed by my niece Hayley. They wanted to make sure that I was eating and drinking properly.

They both did a splendid job!


Niece Hayley and sister Jackie

Niece Hayley and moi
I even get to keep the mask!!


So far so good the side effects have been nowhere near as bad as the chemo side effects, I have had nausea and extreme fatigue and tiredness but they are getting better. They should wear off even more in a couple of weeks. I do have to go to a renal clinic next Tuesday to check out my kidneys.

Im feeling pretty good, nowhere near 100% but a definite improvement. 

I have a wedding to go to in  Cyprus early September, Im now a lot more confident that I will make it.

The Bad News 

My sister in law, Elaine's lovely sister Julie passed away last week

She was such a lovely lady lady just like my Elaine. She had been battling against bastard cancer for nearly seven years .

A few pics.......







A very sad loss  RIP Julie  XX

Friday, July 13, 2018

A Very Long Time Between Posts!

I thought I  had better get my act together and do a quick post. The last one was May 30th!!

Basically I am quite well and am not missing the chemo one iota. 

I did go to London to have a meeting with my oncologist, after a long chat I agreed to try radiation therapy which will mean going to London everyday for a month whilst they zap the tumours on my lungs. They also want to zap the two remaining brain tumours plus clean up whats left of the big tumour that was removed last Xmas. 

I went to London a couple of days ago to have the mask made up plus have a MRI and a CT scan of my brain, this is to ensure that when they do use the stereo tactic knife they will only remove the tumour and not any good brain tissue.

Having the mask made up was pretty awful, I hate wearing a full face crash helmet because it makes me feel claustrophobic, so having this thing molded to my face wasn't good, all I could think of at the time was those brave Thai lads being dragged through the cave underwater, if they can cope with that I can do this. When it was finished I wore it through the CT scanner, Christ it was tight


So that is it on the medical front, I am waiting for times and dates for the radiation/stereo-tactic knife surgery to commence ?

So with no chemo for six weeks I must be out there having a ball and enjoying life right ?????

Wrong.... I have been overcome with extreme tiredness and fatigue like you wouldn't believe and Im sure a lot of people just think Im a lazy git! 

I have put a link to it here, it saves me having to type it out because even doing the blog tires me out.

I have been getting out and about, we went away for three days in the caravan which was lovely but I feel guilty as I cant set up the van etc because Im just too tired and weak to do anything.

I had a lovely couple of days up at Stone to celebrate Rolys birthday, it was great to catch up with the boaty friends who we met at Aston Marina back in 2012, we have all become lifelong friends, they are just the best!

We had a lovely dinner on the Thursday night in the flash marina restaurant...thanks Roly


Friday afternoon we went for a mini cruise, it was lovely to take the tiller again after a few years off it.


Once again the tiredness kicked in and I had to retire down below for a sleep, I think I lasted about 30 mins on the tiller!

       
So I dont have sickness or nausea anymore, my tastebuds have come back a lot but still not 100%

What I now have is extreme fatigue that is just so awful, mainly because there is so much I want to do, I would love to go on a sailing holiday, I would love to explore  the rest of Europe that Elaine and I never made it to.  There are places in the UK that I would love to see, the money isnt a problem....I have sold everything, but when all you want to do is sleep there really isn't any point.

I really dont know whether the fatigue will go or whether this is my new living with cancer life and I had better get used to it. 

Well thats about it for now, even though I intended to write a really long post the tiredness is making it a bit too hard.

I will try and write a bit more often....promise xx




 







Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Fckd off !!

 After having a good meeting with the oncologist last Friday and having only slight side effects I went ahead with chemo.

It was only one drug what could possibly go wrong.......

I was so confident that I was going to breeze through it I booked a flight to Almeria,  booked a nice hotel for the night before as it was an early flight.  I also paid for a weeks airport parking..

Things started turning to shit after a couple of days, the dreaded sore throat had returned, I started gargling and taking all the medications to try and hold it at bay. It has worked to a degree and is nowhere near as bad as last time when I ended up in hospital for eight days.

But, and its a big but, I can hardly eat because its so painful and my mouth feels like the bottom of a birdcage, its absolutely foul. I am also extremely tired and have spent two days in bed.

So what is the point of going to Mojacar where the main part of the break would be eating and drinking, there is no point whatsoever plus the thought of maybe getting really ill and hospitalized in Spain doesn't bear worth thinking about.

I have got a full refund on the hotel and car parking but of course flying with Ryanair means the airfare part is flushed down the toilet.

I am so pissed off because i really thought that this maintenance drug was going to be the answer for me to lead a more normal life.  Reality is Im not going through this shit every three weeks.

Tomorrow I will ring the hospital to discuss stopping all treatment, there is only so much one can take and Im at the end.

xx





Saturday, May 26, 2018

Living With Cancer.....

Yesterday was the big day when I received my scan results, they wanted me at Charing Cross hospital as early as possible so I had to get up at the ungodly hour of 07.00!!

Brother Russ came with me as to be honest I wasn't expecting any good news so it is good to have someone with you to take in all the info.

We caught the train and tube which is by far the best way to get there it takes about one hour 15 mins from my door to the hospital.

First I went to the oncology unit so they could take some blood, reason being if the news was good I was going to have another chemo session.

We then went to see Danii the consultant oncologist, she is a lovely lady, I have always told her to be up front with me and that I wanted quality of life over quantity. She positively bounced into the room and said the news was all good.... the tumours on the lungs had shrunk considerably, the ones on the liver had also virtually gone and the ones on the spine hadn't changed.  It wasn't the news I was expecting, but it did put a big smile on my face.

The upshot is nothing really has changed, I have stage 4 lung cancer that is incurable, so the bugger will get me one day.  I asked about my longevity which was 6-12 months and that was 3 months ago, basically she cant answer it, I also asked her about going into remission which she said in my case wasn't going to happen.   

Her answer was I am Living with cancer!!   So there is no end date as such.  I will keep on having chemo every 3 weeks on a maintenance drug called permatrexed. I will also be on the lovely term active surveillance which basically means seeing how I go with every day life etc.

I will keep on this regime until it stops working,  I will be scanned after every 3 sessions.  the side effects should and I really hope should be minimal. 

After our meeting Russ went off to the science museum whilst I went off to have my chemo. The actual chemo drug only took 15 minutes to drip in but there are lots of drugs infused before that to stop nausea and strengthen my bones etc 

We left the hospital at 15.30 and had an uneventful trip home, if we had drove we would have still been sat in bank holiday traffic.

I am happy with this its the first positive news I have had since this crap started back last October.

Im so happy that I have been looking at flights to Mojacar in the next few days !!

Another bit of good news is that my flat sold in Sydney link here  We only bought it as an investment when we sold the house as we wanted to keep a foothold in the Sydney market. I have never seen the place let alone live in it.  We bought it in 2013 and it rented really well and we also made a good profit on the sale.  One of the reasons I wanted to sell it is that I wanted to tidy up all my affairs around the place so that when I do shuffle off this mortal coil it wouldn't be too hard on the relos to sort out my affairs, so getting rid of seemed to me to be a no brainer.

So that is the last link to Australia gone, I have no regrets as we had a brilliant 32 years there and without living there I wouldn't have been able to retire early and travel around the UK and Europe etc.

Having said that, I would have never got the support in Oz like I have had here, we had plenty of friends in Oz but I wouldn't and couldn't  expect friends to help me and Elaine out like family does.    Plus even though we were insured it would have cost an absolute fortune paying the gaps in the medical insurance. Being ill is one thing, being ill and skint is a whole new ball game.

So onward and upwards, Mojacar here we come..... You are now stuck with me a bit longer !!!



 


Tuesday, May 22, 2018

My New Nest....

I have been living with my brother Russell  and sister in law Tracy for 6 months now, they have been absolute life savers and I often think what I would have done if they had not had welcomed me into their abode plus basically looked after me for the last six months, there really are no alternatives especially with 2 dogs in tow. Im not too bad at the moment and can look after myself but for most of the time I have been incapable of doing so.

I have been living in the third bedroom, and like most English houses the third bedroom tends to be on the small side.  Niece Kimberley moved into her own flat with her boyfriend Chris a couple of months ago, so it was decided I would move into her old bedroom which was a much bigger double room.   The old room was to be polite in need of a bit of TLC, I didn't expect Russ or Tracy to do it even though they wanted to, I physically cant do it so I advertised for a handy man to do it. I picked a winner straight away, he turned up on time to give me a quote and straight away I could tell that this guy was a good un.  He started on a Tuesday morning and was finished early Friday morning. The room was re painted, new wall paper on one wall a new light fitted and new carpet and underlay.  I chose the new furniture and bed and they were delivered on Friday as promised.  Tracy chose the light fitting, the wallpaper and curtains plus the bedding, there was no chance of me getting that right.

The room looks and is superb and I am loving it. 




The three doggies all love it too although Bombo is the only one who can jump up on the bed.


Sunday was another cracking day so we decided to go and watch Kimberley show jumping. We left a bit late and got stuck behind a tractor for 10 minutes plus took a wrong turn as we got close to our destination. The result was we just about spotted her doing her round, she clipped a post anyway so jumping wise it was all over. 


It was a huge show with loads of stalls selling horsey and other stuff, one of the stalls sold hats, I have been after a wax hat for ages to match my waxed Belstaff jacket.  The first one I tried on the sales lady said was very popular with the ladies...whoops. The second one was just perfect and even the colour matched.  They also sold good quality straw hats so I bought one of them, I need to protect my head from the English sun plus it is the ultimate accessory to go on the rear parcel shelf of the Jag.


Monday was my big scan day at Charing Cross hospital plus I had an appointment to see the neurosurgeon in the evening as my head was starting to cave in !!

First up was an MRI scan with dye. They had to fit a canula to inject the dye, it took a lot longer than normal  as my veins are a bit buggered after having so many needles and was actually a bit painful.

I'm used to the MRI scanners now but still find it such a primitive machine and cannot believe that they cant make one that is just a bit quieter and doesn't vibrate so much.   I can see why some people have to be sedated before having one. I actually sleep when I'm in the thing which is about 30 mins.  Straight after I had a CT scan but they couldn't get the dye through the canula.  I had to have another canula fitted, after four attempts and two different nurses they got one in, my arms were like a bloody war zone.  

Next up was a quick visit to the oncology wing where they took my blood in anticipation of chemo next Friday.   Next Friday morning at 10.00 am I have a meting with my oncologist who will give me the scan results and will decide whether we go ahead with chemo that day.

I really dont know what the results are going to be and I am certainly not getting my hopes up, I know I cant be cured but am hoping to get a bit more than the  9 months to a year scenario!!  I have noticed a few more little pains starting under my ribs and also a bit of a back ache so whether the little bastard is starting to spread who knows. Apart from that I have been feeling pretty good. I am eating much better, the sore throat has finally gone. My biggest problem at the moment is extreme tiredness which is OK cos I just sleep, and in my lovely new bed its very very easy to sleep. 

I headed back to Milton Keynes via the tube and train and was home by 17.00, I then jumped into the car and drove to Harpenden to meet the Neurosurgeon who removed my brain tumour back in December. As I mentioned earlier my head was starting to cave in around the site where the tumour was removed.

He is a lovely man and quickly assured me that all was OK and it was just the skull and plate  adjusting , as the tumour had gone and the brain was no longer swollen  it was just filling the gaps so to speak. It was also made worse by the fact that post op I had the bad infection that made a bit of a mess of my skull so that also contributed to the dent!  All in all he thought I looked great and as he was in the loop with my chemo and treatment etc thought I was doing very well considering all the bloody awful side effect I have been having.

Today was a day of rest where I did very little apart from walking the dogs around the lake with Kimberley and chilin in general.