Thursday, October 18, 2018

The End Is Nigh!!!

I went to London on Friday 5th October to see the oncologist for a routine check up and chat, she said that I appeared to be getting worse so she sent me for a CT scan whilst I was there plus a blood test. 
On Sunday I flew to Mojacar to sort out my personal stuff in the villa, I took my sister Jackie and sis in law Tracy with me to help me.
Early Monday morning the phone rang it was the oncologist saying she had the scan results and it was really bad. The cancer was everywhere in my lungs plus on my liver. I also had fluid on my left lung and worst of all my kidneys were in a real bad way. The only good part was that I would probably die of kidney failure and it would be quick.  She did offer me immunotherapy , but the side effects are horrendous and would probably kill me.  I decided not to go with that plan and will let the cancer do its thing. We did decide to get the hospice  involved, one of the nurses is coming round on Monday to discuss end of life planning. 

So it wasn't the start to the trip we were hoping for, there were so many people I wanted to see whilst down there but I was just too ill to leave the villa.

I did manage to catch up with my BFF Eva which was just lovely, she is so special to me and its a relationship that's hard to figure out, we just clicked a few years ago and that's it.


I did manage to have a relaxing afternoon at the office which was lovely. It was strange to think last year I was down here nearly everyday and was loving life to the full, so much as changed in the last year


The girls did an amazing job packing up everything they didnt stop, but I did give them a couple of afternoons off to go to the beach.

I gave the little Citroen away to a good home whilst I was down there which was nice, so she will carry on running for a bit longer. Elaine loved that little car so much, so she would have been happy.

By the end of the week I was ready to go home as I was missing the safety of being in the UK and really didn't want to get stranded in Spain. I was feeling so ill and tired.

I went on the roof on the last day to take my final photo of the lovely view, I think my chances of ever going back there or anywhere overseas are now a big fat zero


A very tatty me and my carers at the airport, I had wheelchair assistance at both airports which helped a lot.


The End is Nigh in the title wasn't about my demise it was about finishing the blog as I now find it very difficult to see the screen and keyboard plus I feel so constantly unwell, I struggle to make it the slightest bit interesting.
I was hoping to reach 1,000,000 hits but that's not going to happen but am still very happy at the 923,000 .  It was never about the numbers anyway. It was something I have really enjoyed doing especially in the early days on the narrowboat. I still go back there often and love reading the old posts and especially looking at the photos.  The motorhome blogs were also so enjoyable.  When Elaine died in 2016 to me the blog also died, I missed her input and especially her correcting my appalling grammar.

The last year has been pretty  crap blogwise as there as been nothing to blog about apart from fkin cancer which has completely taken over and destroyed my life.

I have enjoyed writing this post so wont put it to bed until I physically cant type anymore.

Bye For Now xxxx

20 comments:

  1. Love your heart darling Paul - know that our thoughts are with you - your & Elaine's courage floor me - safe journey my friend- see you on the other side ������

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  2. None of the little boxes covered how I felt reading this. What an incredible put together guy. I hope you have a grand reunion with your wife up there with the gaffer.

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  3. Here we go again, I hope it goes this time. The little boxes didn't cover how this writing made me feel. What a great put together guy. I hope you meet up with your wife up there with the gaffer.

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  4. Hi Paul, never met but I have shared your good and bad journeys. I am holding you in my thoughts. I zoned in on the posted by Paul and El at the end. Take as much care as you can mate. Nev NB Percy

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  5. Dearest Paul. You are a total inspiration to all of your family,many friends and followers. So pleased you made it to mojacar the Blessed and so sorry you were feeling so ill. I hope all your wonderful memories support you at this time. I know you are held in high esteem by so Many Many people as was Elaine when she was on this same journey. It seems so ironic and doubly cruel for you to follow the same path. But you are facing this time in your life as you have always done. With an incredible spirit. That will live on. Fondest love. KK.

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  6. We're thinking of you Paul. E&M in Oz xx

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  7. Oh bless you Paul, I'm so, so sad to read that things are so horrid so quickly. I can totally understand how much energy writing a blog must be, it's challenging when you're fit and healthy! Well done for keeping it up for so long, and thinking about your readers. Now's the time to focus on YOU and making the most of every day and every gratitude for as long as you have. Thank you for getting in touch all those years ago, Barry and I have loved sharing your journeys from Australia to UK, to Spain, and back to UK. The ups and the downs. And it's been a pleasure to know you and Elaine. Arohanui xxxxxx

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  8. OMG I don't even know you but I am sat here in tears, so so sorry to hear this and my heart goes out to you x

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  9. Paul, I do hope for once I can comment on your blog.. I never have been able to but I am going to damn well try everything I can to do so.

    You and Elaine are both a total inspiration to all. Both of you are so brave and forthright. I do so wish we had met properly instead of an odd wave here and there. I have followed your blog since day one and still somehow you have the energy to post yet another one.

    I don't think I have ever met a person as strong as you and you both have inspired me not to let anything get in the way of a life. A life that none of us know how long will last.

    All my love... Sue xx

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  10. I've come to your blog late, thanks to a friend posting on his Facebook. Wishing you peace and comfort and love all around you. Good luck fellow Mojacar fan

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  11. We only met you and Elaine the once Paul when you were kind enough to show us round Caxton when Chris and I were doing our 'boat builder research', but you both made a lasting impression in the best way possible. We were glad you made it back to Mojocar. Your bravery is inspiring. Jennie and Chris, nb Tentatrice.

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  12. Paul what craptastic news :( Elaine, as you know, came into my life when we both were diagnosed with ov ca and also shared a profession in common. I was so grateful that she contacted me and I miss her emails so much. Your blog always made me feel close to El and I've loved your travel tales. So sorry that this shitty disease has you in it's clutches. Am thinking of you, even if you can't put fingers to pixels. xxx

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  13. Wishing you rest and peace on your final journey. When you get there the sun will shining. Good luck x a fellow Mojacar fan.

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  14. I am so sad for you that disease is so flaming cruel. I too lived in Mojacar with my husband David for 22 years, until it took him suddenly. I am now in the UK too having sold my lovely home. So sorry but we had the best of times as I am sure you did. I wish you a peaceful and comfortable time now. Xx

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  15. I've just seen your blog too, having seen a friend's post sharing on Facebook - what a great few years you've had travelling about :) it's one of my plans to do too. Here's to your next adventure - may you cross over peacefully and pain-free, and soar!

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  16. Thinking of you, you brave brave man, and sending you my very best wishes x

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  17. I have also come to your blog late, thanks to your niece. No words can describe what you must be going through. I hope I can be as brave and strong as you when my time comes xx

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